3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
