Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
