My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
