I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
