I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
