Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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