I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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