This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
