i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
