he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
