Plan B is the new Plan A
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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