dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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