I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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