You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
