Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
