I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
