he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
