i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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