sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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