I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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