Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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