I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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