Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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