I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
