I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
