dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
