my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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