am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
