I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
