her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
