U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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