his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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