At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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