what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My vagina just recognized that song.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
