I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
