I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
