omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
