I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
