Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
