I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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