your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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