i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
