I wanna bring you to show and tell
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
