My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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