The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The air was thick with penises
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
