May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Randomize
