woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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