Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
