just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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