You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
