I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
