I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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