At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize