I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
