I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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